Good Black Men are not just ATM machines

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Today African American men are expected to be providers for women, often whether they are married to the women or not. But if you are not married to a woman and the two of you do not live together, YOU are not under any obligation to pay her bills, get her hair and nails done nor pay her rent. Those are her responsibilities. And though it is nice to do so, if you can afford to, guys be careful not to let your generosity be mistaken for obligation.

If men and women play house, women must overstand that house comes with authority via leadership and living by example, not just the right to pay the bills. This is an area counselors struggle to explain, African American women tend to reject and African American men fail to hold the line on. The leader of the relationship or head of thee household is so much more than an ATM and its past the time for us to make that known.

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We who are strong African American male leaders in our homes recognize our varied roles and functions. Our women must recognize this as well or they fail to comprehend who we are. And if you cannot be the head of your home or relationship, leading with fairness, respect, compassion and by example, you do not need to be in that home nor in that relationship. There are too many weak and/or emasculated African American men who are bowing to women and allowing them to run the household. We can consult, listen to and work together with our women but when it comes down to it, there can only be one leader. African American men must therefore lead in the right direction and demand respect as the leaders of our households and communities. In a kingdom, your wife or woman can be and should be your queen, but there is only one King.

We men are much more than ATMs. We are protectors. We are examples. We are final decision makers. We are leaders who bring the family to the table as often as possible so the family can make decisions together. We initiate discussions, require excellence from our family members and demand it of ourselves. We find answers to problems when there seems like there is no solution. We mediate conflict and neutralize it in the household with win-win problem resolution.  And if you don’t know how to do all of these things, it neither keeps you from being a man nor voids your right of authority and your responsibility to lead. You simply have to learn and none of us (including your wife or woman) is perfect. So never let anyone belittle you on the basis that you are not where you should be – as long as you are making the sincere effort to get there.

We who are strong African American men have to stop trying to buy women or trying to impress them with money or what we will pay on their behalf. We men are much more than cash, checks and credit cards or vessels of material things. Sending the wrong message has both set and fed a dangerous and false standard  and allowed women to mistake our kindness as an obligation. Buying your woman nice things and helping her when you can are admirable traits but you need to know such behavior can easily become an expectation that defines you in her eyes. Then, when you don’t, won’t or can’t, she may very well find someone who will or see you as failing your commitment to her. I speak of course regarding the relationship where you are not married and do not live together.

As a husband and/or a father, the role of the African American male is priceless and cannot be replaced by any other person, entity or structure. We provide balance and stability to the relationship. We provide direction for the family. I say again, nobody else can perform our role or function – not two women in a relationship, not two men together. Now is the time for African American men to rise up and return to being the leaders and examples that our fathers or grandfathers were.  If you are a male, be a man. Teach and expect the same from your sons. And if any woman does not like it or cannot accept it, you do not need her. You can make a good woman your queen but there can only be one king. Believe it, act like it, become it, teach it and expect it.

Article written by Marque-Anthony

 

Singer/actor Tyrese Gibson marries his “black queen”

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It seems there’s a big uproar over R&B singer/actor Tyrese Gibson.  Apparently he recently announced that last month he secretly got married.  No big deal right??  Well in his Instagram post he said he had found his “black queen”.  But the picture of his wife proves otherwise.  His wife is Samantha Lee Schwalenberg. She doesn’t look very black to me. This is not a light-skinned black woman. Where are the African features?  The less African features you have makes you less black.  That’s why every racial group has race classifications to tell themselves apart from others. In 2014, Lee got a certification from the Professional Bartending School of Atlanta. Her certification is in mixology and bartendering.The newly married Mrs. Gibson attended the University of Georgia, and once even competed in the Miss Latin UGA pageant in 2011. Which is fitting since she looks more Latin than African.On her Facebook page, Lee regularly posts long, thoughtful posts about the role of religion and God in her life. In August 2015, Lee wrote about life and death saying, “I think the Devil does a pretty good job of convincing us that there’s nothing after death…that this life, that’s it. I am writing you all to tell you that I know that it doesn’t stop there. We should not fear death, just like we should not fear birth.”Lee is from Dayton, New Jersey, and according to her Facebook page, she now lives in Athens, Georgia. People magazine had reported that Tyrese and Lee were first seen out together at the 33rd Annual UNCF Mayors Masked Ball at Atlanta Marriott Marquis in Atlanta in December 2016.

I could really care less who Tyrese married.  The problem is he called her his black queen. According to Tyrese her racial makeup is Ecuadorian,Jamaican and African-American. Tyrese forgot to mention she is also part white.  So he should’ve said his “mixed queen”.  Or at least his biracial queen.  But to call her black is insulting to black women and black people in general.

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This is a picture of Lee with her father.  He looks pretty white to me.  She looks like an Arab or a Hispanic woman.

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This is a picture of her mother and brother on the far right.  Supposedly the mother is Hispanic. So I guess the mother is an Afro-Latina with some Jamaican ancestry.  The truth of the matter is she is a biracial woman that could easily pass for a Mexican,Cuban or Arab.  This is the problem with the silly one-drop rule. This is another example of whitewashing the African image.  Tyrese knows he’s wrong for this.  And I’m glad that black men and women are calling him out on it.  This was some ignorant self-hating coonish behavior on the part of Tyrese.  But this is what happens when you make being black all inclusive. Am I wrong?  Has this biracial stuff gone too far? Is Tyrese delusional?  I’d love to hear  your thoughts.

Divine Feminine Principle: What is a Virtuous Woman? (Part 3 of 5)

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The Virtuous Woman
Affirmations:
We Affirm That:
1. A Virtuous Woman is not born, but she is made through daily, conscious thought and action.
2. A Virtuous Woman practices daily submission of the ego.
3. A Virtuous Woman prays for strength to do what is correct.
4. A Virtuous Woman is not of any particular faith, but she is a woman of faith in a Higher Source of power which gives her strength.
5. A Virtuous Woman honors the feminine and appreciates the masculine. She innerstands that harmony arises when both play their roles.
6. A Virtuous Woman is not perfect, but she strives towards the highest development of her person.
7. A Virtuous Woman is what I am.
She enjoys being a woman and her husband delights in her. She helps him to be a better man by being a better woman.