When one door closes…another will open. I think it’s time for a new chapter. Stay tuned.
FOR MANY YEARS I WAS ALWAYS SEARCHING. I LOOKED FOR A MASTER MY ENTIRE LIFE. UNTIL I REALIZED I AM THE MASTER AND I HAD TO MASTER SELF.
Today African American men are expected to be providers for women, often whether they are married to the women or not. But if you are not married to a woman and the two of you do not live together, YOU are not under any obligation to pay her bills, get her hair and nails done nor pay her rent. Those are her responsibilities. And though it is nice to do so, if you can afford to, guys be careful not to let your generosity be mistaken for obligation.
If men and women play house, women must overstand that house comes with authority via leadership and living by example, not just the right to pay the bills. This is an area counselors struggle to explain, African American women tend to reject and African American men fail to hold the line on. The leader of the relationship or head of thee household is so much more than an ATM and its past the time for us to make that known.
We who are strong African American male leaders in our homes recognize our varied roles and functions. Our women must recognize this as well or they fail to comprehend who we are. And if you cannot be the head of your home or relationship, leading with fairness, respect, compassion and by example, you do not need to be in that home nor in that relationship. There are too many weak and/or emasculated African American men who are bowing to women and allowing them to run the household. We can consult, listen to and work together with our women but when it comes down to it, there can only be one leader. African American men must therefore lead in the right direction and demand respect as the leaders of our households and communities. In a kingdom, your wife or woman can be and should be your queen, but there is only one King.
We men are much more than ATMs. We are protectors. We are examples. We are final decision makers. We are leaders who bring the family to the table as often as possible so the family can make decisions together. We initiate discussions, require excellence from our family members and demand it of ourselves. We find answers to problems when there seems like there is no solution. We mediate conflict and neutralize it in the household with win-win problem resolution. And if you don’t know how to do all of these things, it neither keeps you from being a man nor voids your right of authority and your responsibility to lead. You simply have to learn and none of us (including your wife or woman) is perfect. So never let anyone belittle you on the basis that you are not where you should be – as long as you are making the sincere effort to get there.
We who are strong African American men have to stop trying to buy women or trying to impress them with money or what we will pay on their behalf. We men are much more than cash, checks and credit cards or vessels of material things. Sending the wrong message has both set and fed a dangerous and false standard and allowed women to mistake our kindness as an obligation. Buying your woman nice things and helping her when you can are admirable traits but you need to know such behavior can easily become an expectation that defines you in her eyes. Then, when you don’t, won’t or can’t, she may very well find someone who will or see you as failing your commitment to her. I speak of course regarding the relationship where you are not married and do not live together.
As a husband and/or a father, the role of the African American male is priceless and cannot be replaced by any other person, entity or structure. We provide balance and stability to the relationship. We provide direction for the family. I say again, nobody else can perform our role or function – not two women in a relationship, not two men together. Now is the time for African American men to rise up and return to being the leaders and examples that our fathers or grandfathers were. If you are a male, be a man. Teach and expect the same from your sons. And if any woman does not like it or cannot accept it, you do not need her. You can make a good woman your queen but there can only be one king. Believe it, act like it, become it, teach it and expect it.
Article written by Marque-Anthony
This is a short but great video by Trojan Pam(Pamela Harris). Pam gives some very good advice about the dangers of flirting with racists in the workplace. She explains how black people should navigate in the workplace around white people.
I recently got some very sad news. A fellow blogger I’ve followed for many years has made her transition. Her name was Pamela Harris. Although most in the blogosphere knew her best as Trojan Pam. She was not only a blogger but also an accomplished author. And brilliant one I might add. The first book I bought of her’s was Trojan Horse: Death of Dark Nation. She went under the pen name Anon. She later changed it to Umoja. The book blew my mind! Pam broke down the wicked nature of racism in America. She was so intelligent and gave such insight into racism and how it operates. I had spoken to her many times on the COWS radio show. I would call into the host Gus T. Renegade and she was a frequent guest. I loved the way she was not afraid to challenge white racists. And she would do her best to wake up black people who were still confused about racism. She truly was a woman without fear. This is from her obituary:
Pamela Evans Harris was born on Oct. 12, 1953 to Columbia natives Hattye Evans Harris and George B. Harris. She was the niece of Camille and Randolph Howell, Gladys and William Davis and counted many Columbians as a part of her extended family. Ms. Pamela E. Harris passed away in Chicago on Feb. 15, 2018 after a long career as an Electronic Technician, repairing mail processing equipment for the United States Postal Service until her retirement in 2017.
One of Pam’s greatest gifts was her writing: she wrote short stories and novels, and there is a strongly captivating wit and brilliance to her work. In her own words, Pam said “I needed to be gainfully employed, but in my heart I knew that I had to be a writer.
I loved talking to her and exchanging ideas. She had a brilliant mind. I respect the fact that she wanted to educate her people in a world of anti-blackness. She always spoke truth to power. She had a deep love for her people. She was definitely BLACK and PROUD. She let that be known. I believe we lost a true warrior for justice and liberation. I never met her yet I felt like I knew her so well. We really did lose a dear friend. She will not be forgotten. I suggest you all go out and buy her books. She was kind enough to send me autographed copies. I really did appreciate that. I don’t think I ever told her I much I admired her. Now I wish I had. Her hard work will not be vain. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends. Thank you Pam. Rest well my friend.