Much needed Restoration of the Black Family

Black Fam2

Anyone who has followed me for any significant amount of time is fully cognizant of the fact that I am immensely passionate about empowering my people, and though my passion for my people encompasses addressing all of the enigmatic issues that are currently plaguing our people, there are certain areas in which I have invested myself with the focus of empowering my people in these specific areas, which include the mis-education and exploitation of our youth, black group economics practiced vertically and the restoration of the black family nucleus. This article will focus on the importance of restoring the black family to a point of functionality.

The current reality surrounding the black collective in America emphatically answers the question posed by Eleanor Holmes in her article, “Restoring the Traditional Black Family:” What would society be like if the family found it difficult to perform its most basic functions? What Eleanor Holmes was addressing in her 1985 article was the challenges associated with a black family that was literally breaking down, primarily through self-destruction that was externally agitated by the subtle machinations initiated by the white power structure in a systematic manner.

During the time that this article was written, the divorce rate in America was hovering around 50 percent and the number of single parent households was on the rise. Here we are 30 years later and the situation has been exacerbated by a number of different factors, but the bottom line is that the black family is in crisis. Blacks lead the nation in divorce rates. Black men have the highest rate of marrying outside of our race. Only one in four black women will ever be married. This means that the number of single-parent households will only increase as more black women embrace the fallible paradigm that they don’t need a man.

While highlighting this fallibility of the erroneous paradigm, it is important to understand that the black woman did not arrive at this position of hostility and indifference toward the black man on her own. She had a significant amount of help. It began with white slave masters who purposely turned her against her mate by ravaging her in front of him, revealing his inability to protect or provide for her. This ushered in contempt and distrust. Even 100 years after the Emancipation Proclamation advised the black woman that she was free, the system was telling her that she had a new oppressor, the black man. She was offered solace in corporate America and refuge in social programs offered by the Government, such as welfare, AFDC, Section 8 housing and more. She could experience this pseudo-liberation and independence, but she would have to dismiss the man. This was not that hard to do with the already strained history between the black man and the black woman.

To exacerbate the matter, black men were losing jobs at an alarming rate as jobs were being shipped overseas, so black women saw very little value in his presence at the time.

Now, the black man was not without culpability in the breakdown of the black family nucleus, for many black men found it to be an acceptable course of action to procreate and then abandon their progeny. They assumed it to be appropriate to superficially engage the heart and emotions of the black woman with no intention of committing to a long-term relationship.

Even when the black man and the black woman did enter into the institution of marriage, they often found that their selfish nature would not allow them to invest in the marriage in lieu of self-preservation.

This ever-widening gulf between the black man and the black woman is about far more than lifelong companionship, for the black family is the institution through which the power of life is passed on to the subsequent generation. The black family is that secure environment in which our children are to be nurtured into a healthy understanding and awareness of “self.” It is where they develop their self-image and their sense of self-worth. Without a wholesome family environment, our children lack balance, and they suffer emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. They lack the capacity to effectively go out and compete.

Black Fam3

Another alarming issue among blacks is that the birthrate has dropped dramatically, and this is important because the birthrate is indicative of the group’s ability to sustain its current representation among the general population.

It is important to point out that many of the struggles of the black family, such as divorce, single parent households and more, are actually an exaggerated microcosm of the larger struggle to hold together the family nucleus in America. No group, including whites, has been able to escape the cultural assault on the traditional family; however, due to specific issues that are unique to the black collective, the disintegration of the family has had a much more emphasized toll on blacks.

The lack of economic potency limits the mobility of any person or group, and it is substantially more difficult to overcome the economic hurdle standing alone, or attempting to split incomes between homes.

One factor that has served to exacerbate the issues that are plaguing the black family has been the unwillingness to admit that there is a problem. For many blacks, the destruction of the family is a powerful reminder of the nefarious attack of racism on the black family and the black experience in general. Instead of seeing the discussions about the black family as an opportunity to address the enigmatic issues that we are facing the possibility of healing long-standing wounds, many blacks view it as an insult and they fight vehemently against it.

The problem with the current state of the black family is that the consequences and repercussions associated with this reality, only seem to drive a wedge deeper between the black man and the black woman. A significant amount of the discussions surrounding the issue are nothing more than finger-pointing contests. There is no attempt to resolve the issues, only a desire to play the victim. Unfortunately, blacks have become perpetual victims, and playing the victim card is almost second nature. Owning our own mess is a little too uncomfortable for the vast majority of us. It is simply easier to blame others for our failures, than it is to admit that we played a significant role in the causation of our current predicament.

How do we begin the healing process? I believe it begins with men who understand the responsibility of leadership. We have no shortage of men who want to declare themselves to be leaders, kings and rulers, but very few understand the immense responsibility associated with these titles. As black men, we must be willing to love a woman free of the deadness of her contempt for us. We must be willing to brazen the minefield of her hostility in order to excavate and discard each and every mine, being prepared to engage her hostility with patience and honorable intent. We must see our women as our most valuable asset, and we must look to protect them from the destructive forces in this world that will leave them barren in their spiritual womb. We must nurture them with our love and protection, so that they can use their spiritual womb to house, incubate and birth our visions.

Our women, must be willing to allow the men to operate in their design, with opposition and hostility. They must be willing to trust the men to lead, provide and protect. It is important for our women to understand that respect and affirmation are a man’s greatest yearning, and they must become determined to not be the source of the black man’s destruction.

It is clear, without the restoration of the black family nucleus, without the apprehension of the knowledge that there can be no advancement of the black collective without the black family, we are ultimately doomed to continue our descent into the abyss of unbridled oppression and self-inflicted devastation. The healing has to start now.

Article by Dr Rick Wallace

25 thoughts on “Much needed Restoration of the Black Family

  1. Pingback: Much needed Restoration of the Black Family | MemePosts

  2. All of it! Yes! The truth hurts and I’ll be single forever!

    My biggest issue is gender roles. I’ve been told [more than once] that I’m like the man in the relationship [because I’m assertive and speak my mind? I don’t know]. Some guys like to go Dutch ALL the time. Others don’t mind a woman paying for everything or sitting at home while she works [even if they don’t have kids]. I dated one who wanted to split EVERYTHING, even a bowl of fruit, equally in half so we both have the same exact amount.

    It seems like the Black men [that I’ve dated, not all] are either mama’s boys, have been cheated out of money and time so they’re very cheap, selfish and/or remind me of every penny they spend on me. The rest are either very soft or very domineering. I know there’re great men out there but consistently encountering these kinds is very disheartening.

  3. I haven’t read anything good like this in along time! Great post and I soo agree with you. If we don’t get our black family structure back in check it’s going to be nothing but more trouble in the road ahead of us. Like we havent seen enough already. They know we are divided and they are using that against us. We all need to wake up. But we can’t keep playing the victim and we also cannot only COME TOGETHER IN TRAGEDY. WE NEED TO COME TOGETHER AND STAY THAT WAY AND STOP BEING DISTRACTED BY THE MEDIA.. #GetUnprogrammed

    I enjoyed your post I am inspired to paint something to this now!! ;}

    THANKS

      • @ the Prince:

        (pushing the cob-webs in my mind aside) I recall…as the youngest of my bros. and sisters, that in our community, while growing up, that there was a COMMUNITY book called “The Bluebook.” The recollection was so strong that I recently felt compelled to call my mother and run it by her and she remembered this as well. Bottom line, from shoe repair to plumbers, this book contained dang near everything that sustained our black community. So, in a sense, everybody got paid and helped one another.

        By chance, does anyone else recall something like this in their community? I wonder if this practice could be brought back again with concentrated effort on our part?

        A dang good idea!

  4. black love matters…no matter how the System tries to distort the Black family but it does matter..its powerful and real..out communities need to sustain it

    Uhuru Brotha!!

  5. @ Kushite Prince
    Since we’re talking about the restoration of the black family I would like to know the role of the stepmother or stepfather. The reason why I ask because we’re at a time when the biological mother or father aren’t together & living in a single parent household. I have seen many times the stepfather/mother not taking on the responsibilities of their stepchildren as a family. I’ve seen too many times black men & women with children starting relationships with people that are not ready to take on a extra responsibilities that involves a child that isn’t theirs or children period. It has been times I’ve seen one of the biological parents attack the stepmother/father because they still feel resentment over a broken relationship with their child’s mother/father.

    Furthermore black men & women who date people with children need to question the reasons their partner isn’t with their child’s mother/father. They need to take in consideration is the child’s mother/father mentally stable to take care of a child in a single parent household since one of the parents are leaving. Find out if your partner & the child’s mother/father is financially stable to take care of the child especially since you will not have a extra income to help around the house.

    I would love to hear your opinion on this situation. I have stated several times on your post that it needs to be both biological parents in a household rising their children they willingly decided to create.

    • That’s a good point. I think it’s great if both biological parents are rasing the kids. However we have to be realistic. There is a high divorce rate in this country. And I don’t find anything wrong if a man is willing to raise the children if another man wont do it. It’s a big responsibility but some men are up to the challenge. But I do agree that the person should be financially stable. I have dated women with kids and some do have baggage that they carry with them. But not all women are that way. But right now black children are lost and searching for love. Too many are up for adoption. And I think it’s importan that we build strong black families. It’s important for our community as a whole. But a person who gets involved with a person that already has kids…has to know what they’re in for. And be mantally mature to handle it.

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